Human Sexuality is Complicated.

This video clearly defines many of the concepts I use when discussing gender and sexuality.

Maintaining Relationships During Wellness Challenges

One of the "5 Key Concepts of Recovery" is support. When I think of support, I think of relationships and community. And yet, when I am struggling, positive interaction with other beings can be a challenge. What can we do to maintain our relationships and community connections when we or our loved ones are experiencing depression, pain, anxiety, and other difficult states? How do we keep from driving people away when we need them most? Here are some things I try to do to take care of my support system. I'd love to read some of your ideas.

1.  Breathe deeply, then respond. Taking a moment to clear your head could make the difference between a conversation and a fight.

See below for image source.

2. Avoid support system burn out. Love may be infinite, but time and energy are not.

• Spread the love around. The more people you can trust to help, the less pressure there will be on your closest supporters.
• Don't accept help you don't really need.
• Ask whether people are available to listen before verbally processing.
• Help your supporters. This will contribute to maintaining balance in your relationships, and helping others is a wellness practice that benefits the helper, too!
• Do self care together. My favorite self care to do with others are walking and eating nurturing meals.

3. Communicate!!

• Make agreements about how to communicate about helping each other when everyone is feeling well. Expressing preferences and setting realistic expectations before we need them can prevent problems in a crisis.
• Let people know you're struggling. Your supporters may not know how you're feeling. If your behavior changes in response to pain or suffering, knowing what's going on for you can help others avoid taking your actions personally. It also creates an opportunity to offer help.
• Ask for help specifically. You know what you need. Ask for help with the things you are least able to do without assistance.
• Receive suggestions with an open mind. Do you have concrete evidence a suggestion won't work for you? Will you be harmed by trying? If not, it might be worth a shot!

3. Use your insights into yourself to guide how you interact with others.

• Avoid flaking. Try to predict your energy level (spoon theory). You may not be up for going to a party after a therapy or bodywork session.
• Make flexible plans that can accommodate unforeseen changes. For example, if you'd planned to go for a walk, but you are experiencing a lot of knee pain, swimming or watching a movie could be better options that still give you a chance to be together.
• Make deliberate decisions about whether now is a good time to interact with people. Sometimes it's hard to be kind. Other times, someone else's company is just what the doctor ordered. You can always change your mind.
• Check in with yourself so you can offer help honestly - What are you realistically available for? Maybe you aren't actually free to listen to your friend process until 3am when you have work the next day, but you are available to have tea and listen after work.
• Try to recognize when you're acting like a jerk and stop! If you can't change your behavior, stop interacting. On your own or with a third party, think about what else is going on that might have influenced your behavior. Knowing what triggered your behavior can help you avoid acting rude in the future. 

5. Be courteous.

• Apologize if you were mean or rude. Keep it simple. apologize for your behavior, not your state of being.
• Express gratitude and appreciation. From a simple thank you to a thoughtful gift, gratitude is good for you and the person you are thanking.

What did I miss? Please share what you do to protect your relationships in difficult times.

Hand hexagon image source: http://www.chumans.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Supp-Sys-6-150x150.jpg

5 Key Recovery Concepts: An Introduction

Mary Ellen Copeland

To learn about ways to cope with her own symptoms, Mary Ellen Copeland asked many people in mental health recovery about what helped them the most. She learned that these 5 key concepts were helpful to almost everyone she surveyed: responsibility, education, self advocacy, support, and hope.

We need to take responsibility for our own recovery; we cannot expect someone else to be able to fix or change us. By educating ourselves about wellness and our own needs, we learn what might help us. Advocating for ourselves helps us get the care we need and change the systems we are a part of. Giving and receiving support from family, friends, spirituality and other sources outside ourselves keeps us connected with our communities and the world around us. Hope for continued recovery keeps us going when all else fails.

These concepts describe simple and necessary aspects of successful recovery. How do each of them contribute to positive change in your life?