Monday, August 2, 2010

The Power of Helplessness

I was recently reminded of a very powerful lesson that counselors should not forget - sometimes there is comfort in recognizing that we are helpless to help another person.

This may sound pessimistic coming from a counselor, but I promise that it isn't. It can be all too easy to get wrapped up in thinking that I am the one helping my client, but the truth is that I am only a witness to them helping themselves. I'm like the person cutting roast beef at Golden Corral, but the client is the one who made the decision to walk up to the buffet of mental health counseling in the first place. I could cut beef all day, but I can't force anyone to eat it.

On this day, a client, who I have grown to care about and respect a great deal in spite of their myriad troubles, came to my buffet station saying that they need something to eat, but it is not roast beef. Instead of saying, "But roast beef is all I have, I'm sure you will like it!" I said, "I know there is something on this buffet that you will like, let me ask the manager." The manager told me about selections on the buffet I hadn't even heard of that were just what my client needed! The manager also told me that I can't go to those parts of the buffet to make it easier for my client. I can only tell them that they are there and hope they will choose to try them.

Recognizing my own helplessness is one of the most powerful things I can for myself and do for a client. Through that recognition I can model for the client the simple act of accepting the things in our lives we are helpless to change. Perhaps, from that place of acceptance, we can begin to move forward.

I don't know if my client decided to try other items on the big buffet of mental health counseling. I hope they found what they needed and know that when they are ready for roast beef again, I will be there.