Gender, Sexual Fluidity, and "Naturalness"

For the sex and sexuality geeks out there, here's my response to Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller's recent articles, Sex Question Friday: Are Women More Likely To Be Bisexual Than Men? and Is Bisexuality Really A More Natural Tendency For Women Than Men? Dr. Lehmiller's thesis is that "women of all sexual orientations are capable of being turned on by a wider range of sexual targets than are men", and "women’s sexuality tends to be more situation-dependent, whereas men’s sexuality is more specific to a certain category." He cites evidence including: men are statistically more likely to report having fetishes, and in empirical studies women are aroused by a wider variety of stimuli than men. Please read his posts for his full argument. Here is my response:

What is "natural"? How can we tell?
Sexuality and sexual taboos are both socially and biologically influenced. Gender and biological sex are both different than sexuality. Each person has values that will influence how sexuality is expressed. Our values also influence our beliefs about this question and how we perceive the evidence. All of this makes the situation too complicated for me to feel confident saying *anything* about sexuality is natural except perhaps having a sex drive. Even then there are counter examples. Are people who consider themselves asexual freaks of nature? Saying something is "natural" implies something else is "unnatural" and both terms contain value judgments. If only Dr. Lehmiller had replaced natural with another word in this sentence, like so "while it is indeed possible for both men and women to be bisexual, evidence from a variety of sources suggests that bisexuality may be a more common occurrence among women than men", I would be less inclined to disagree.

Dr. Lehmiller's arguments haven't accounted for socialization.
Social pressure also encourages men to discuss anything sexual and affords men more opportunity to act on fetishes. For example, many more men than women patronize professional fetish and fantasy providers. However, given income disparity and the privileging of male sexuality (in US culture as I've experienced it), I would hesitate to say that this means men have more fetishes across the board. For these reasons,  Women, on the other hand, are often socialized to be cooperative and accommodating. Does that translate to fluidity when it comes to sexuality?

Studies of physical arousal only show us a partial picture.
We are whole beings, regardless of gender. Our thoughts, experiences, emotions, and physical response all influence each other. I am dubious of studies that consider physical arousal as proof of sexual preference. Again, it's so much more complicated than that!

Let's look at the varieties of sexual preference, gender, and physiology instead of binaries.
I do find the question of what other factors, including gender, may correlate with fluid sexuality interesting. I'm very interested to hear from people who have experienced both estrogen-dominated and testosterone-dominated physiology about how they've experienced sexuality differently with different hormonal ratios. Does the fluidity of sexuality change when the amount of certain hormones change in someone's body? Do people with more testosterone experience more rigid sexual preferences? Do people with more estrogen experience more fluidity? How does this vary depending on the values someone holds about gender and sexuality? Are there developmental differences? In other words, do people at different points in their lifelong development of their sexuality tend toward more or less fluidity of preference?

Please join the conversation! Topics like these are much more fun with friends!

OpenSF Conference

The OpenSF conference was inspiring! Now there are some exciting new groups I'd like to form: a support group about sex for people with disabilities and an expressive arts play group. And writing ideas: pleasure is good for you, sex as a wellness tool, and can open relationships destroy capitalism? I'll be writing about all that and more as soon as I've had a chance to let it all sink in!

Learn more about the conference at http://www.open-sf.org/.

The Story of Stress

When we perceive danger, our bodies' natural stress reaction (triggered by the sympathetic nervous system) increases our heart rate, blood pressure, shallow breathing, and muscle tension. Digestive action is decreased and our skin temperature decreases. These responses are designed to help us take action, such as fighting or fleeing. As well as saving us from the danger, taking action is one way to complete the cycle and reset our body back to equilibrium. When our ancestors faced dangers like animal attacks, this worked very well! However, in modern US society, it is usually inappropriate to respond to the danger we perceive by fighting or fleeing, so we internalize it. The ill-effects of stress are well documented. The effects of internalizing the stress reaction can lead to sleep disorders, chronic pain, anxiety, self destructive behavior in the short term. In the long term, it can lead to heart attack, depression, exhaustion, cancer, or increase your risk of problems you are genetically predisposed to.

Some of my favorite ways to reduce my stress are body-centered mindfulness practice, making art, spending time in beautiful natural places, avoiding news media, and enjoying the company of my cat. What are your favorite ways to reduce your stress?

Body Scan Meditation & Body Drawing

Since one of my favorite formal mindfulness practices is the Body Scan, and Body Drawing is one of my favorite body-centered expressive arts practices, it only seems natural to do them together!

The Body Scan Meditation is just what it sounds like: a meditation that focuses on mindfulness of the body by focusing on each part in turn. I've heard of Body Scans from several sources, but I've heard about it the most in relation to Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). For me, practicing body scans regularly has made a huge difference in how aware I am of my own body. Sometimes I find body scans useful for pain relief, relaxation, or as a sleep aid, however, the basic intention of the practice is simple awareness. Following the Body Scan Meditation with a Body Drawing is a way to record and integrate the experience of the body scan. And it's fun!

What you'll need:
a comfortable place to lie down (but not so comfortable you fall asleep!)
body scan recording or script (optional)
paper or other drawing surface (printed with a body outline, if you want)
colored pens, pencils, crayons, pastels, or other coloring media of your choice

Instructions:

1. Start with the Body Scan. I prefer to take at least 20 minutes, often longer; you can decide what's right for you. You can do the body scan in any supported position; many people find lying down to work best. It might be easiest to use a recording to guide you the first time.
   Once you find a comfortable position, begin by being aware of your breath. When you are ready, notice the contact points between your body and the surface supporting you. Now focus your awareness on your feet for a few breaths. Then move into your ankles, your lower legs, your knees, and so on, moving your awareness up through all of the parts of your body. You might imagine your breath going into each part you focus on. You might send each part of your body gratitude, love, or compassion. As you pass through each part, notice the sensations you find there. If you have thoughts or emotions, notice those, too. After you've gone through all of your body to focus on the top of your head, move your awareness outward to your entire body. Take a few moments to be aware of your breath and your entire body. When you are ready, open your eyes and gradually get up. Thank yourself for your nurturing practice.


2. Now you can record your experience with a Mini Body Drawing! The basic task is to fill in a body outline in response to your experience with the body scan. You can draw your own outline or use something like the ones below that I found using Google image search.

How was it for you? Share your experience or your drawings in the comments.


Online Resources
Free 10 minute guided Body Scan thanks to Greg de Vries
Free 30 minute guided Body Scan thanks to Ms. M. Cullen
Body Scan description and instructions thanks to NPR
body outlines, front & back, thanks to Oasis Acupuncture
body outline thanks to Lea Pearson, who teaches body mapping for flutists
"gingerbread" body outline thanks to Second Story Window, a blog of activities for children

Books & CDs with Body Scan Instructions
A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein
The Mindful Way Through Depression, by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, by Martha Davis, Elizabeth Robbins, and Matthew McKay

What is Expressive Arts Therapy?

It feels good to express ourselves, to give form to our experiences. When our expressions are witnessed in a safe environment, we have feelings of belonging and love. For these reasons and more, expressive arts therapists believe that creative expression in any form can be healing. Expressive arts therapy uses many different forms of expression including visual arts, writing, movement, crafts, and even things you may not think of as creative expression like cooking, planning a trip, gardening, building a sandcastle, or telling a story to a friend. Any expression can be art, and we are all artists.

As I listened to this podcast on CraftyPod called What Does Making Things Mean? Bridget Benton's definition of art resonated strongly with me. She said, "Art is a verb. It is the action of making something with meaningful mindful intent. ... Art is making with meaning." She added, "We are meaning making machines. Our use of symbols, stories, rituals is one of those things that distinguishes us as humans. We are all artists." These basic ideas are at the root of expressive arts therapy.

Symbolism in art helps us to communicate with the parts of ourselves that don't speak plain English, like our bodies, and the part of our minds we are not usually aware of. These parts already speak to us through dreams, emotions, and physical sensation. Through artistic symbolism, we can take part in this conversation with ourselves and get to know ourselves better. We become more aware of our whole selves when we pay non-judgmental attention to the processes and products of our creative expressions. Art and the self awareness it brings become ways to hold ourselves with love and compassion. When we practice caring for ourselves this way, we heal and grow.

What is your favorite form of creative expression? What is the process like? What is the result? What else?

Consider your answers to the above questions. If they have anything to do with a challenge in your life right now, what would it be? What else? What else?

One-Moment Meditation: "How to Meditate in a Moment"

Walk for Health, May 18th

Walk for Health

Show your Pride for Mental Health Awareness Month!

Take a Walk for Health! Join us for a 1.5 mile Walk for Health at beautiful Lake Merritt.

Join the Parade!  Meet at the Lake Merritt Bandstand at 9:30 am to register!

Open to all ages! Free! Register Today!

• Free Farmers Market when you walk or join in a class!
•  Express pride and support for mental health consumers and their family members!
•  Health resource tables, games, give-a-ways and lots of fun!
•  Zumba for Disabilities, Tai Chi, Line Dancing, Chair Yoga!

Second Lake walk starts at 1:00 pm (3.5 miles)

Transportation
Exit Lake Merritt BART Station or have a friend drop you off at 1221 Oak street
and meet them at the Wellness Village. Come with your Wellness Center or Support
Services Team.

Partial Sponsored:
The Walk for Health is brought to you by Alameda County’s 10 x 10 Wellness

Campaign, Behavioral Health Care Services, Health and Human Resource Education

Center, Asian Mental Health Services, PEERS, Pool of Consumer Champions, BEST NOW

For more information visit www.alamedacounty10x10.org or call 1-855-AC10x10 (1-855-221-0910)